Parent-Friendly Tips & Tools for Remote Learning

Initially published by the Public Schools of Brookline.

Tip #1 - Set-up a consistent workspace for your student.

• Reduce distractions as much as possible.

• Have materials (i.e., pencil, paper, eraser) handy. 

• Provide headphones.

• Have fidgets available for students who need them.

Tip #2 - Help your student follow a daily routine.

• Write or print the daily schedule.

• For young children, split the day’s schedule into am/pm.

• Write on or plan movement or social activities during breaks (see tip # 3 and 4). 

• Set reminders on devices or use timers.

Tip #3 - Connect with your student in person or via phone during the day.

• Ask about what s/he did in school so far or ask about specific subjects.

• Give your student positive feedback for working hard and participating in school activities that day. 

• Plan fun movement breaks, activities, or lunch that you can do together (if possible).

• Let your student know when you will connect. 

Tip #4 - Plan fun movement breaks.

• Outside activity ideas - scooter, walk, hopscotch, basketball/football/soccer

• Inside activity ideas - Go Noodle, Just Dance, dance party, freeze dance, 10 push-ups, jumping jacks, squats

• Do yoga outside or inside.

Tip #5 - Plan social breaks.

• Schedule Zoom snack breaks with friends.

• Make a lunch date with a friend via Zoom or socially distant outside. 

Tip #6 - Do mindfulness activities to manage stress and anxiety. 

• Encourage your student to take deep breaths when showing signs of stress.

• Draw, doodle, or color during breaks and after school. 

• Listen to relaxing music.

• Just breathe.

• Say something positive. 

Tip #7 - Support literacy.

• Read with your student when you can.

• Ask your student about the book or story s/he is reading or listening to. 

• Discuss a book you have read or are reading. 

Tip #8 - Encourage daily math practice.

• Follow a recipe - point out fractions, add, subtract, multiply, divide, measure.

• Count everything - food items, jumping jacks, pencils, legos.

• Play math games - UNO, Dominoes, Connect 4

Tip #9 - Motivate your student.

• Praise your student for doing his/her best work and following expectations.

• Plan preferred after-school and weekend activities to reward your student for working hard during remote learning. 

• Start a Hard-Work Jar - add a cotton ball to the jar to reward your student for working extra hard - plan a bonus fun activity when the jar is full. 

Tip #10 - Take care of yourself. 

• Recognize it is okay to be stressed and worried.

• Plan activities for your emotional or physical wellness - go for a walk, enjoy a treat, talk to a friend.

• Express gratitude.

• Focus on what you can control. 

How Do You Minimize Everyday Chaos in a COVID-19 World?

Originally posted on Beyond Booksmart Blog: https://www.beyondbooksmart.com/executive-functioning-strategies-blog/how-establishing-routines-helps-students-cope-with-a-pandemic

Predictability. Just the word itself provokes a sense of calm. Unfortunately, the world we live in at the moment is probably going to be the most unpredictable we have and will ever experience and none of it is in our control. We have a choice to allow this fact to overwhelm us or we can focus on what we can control. What can we do to make our personal worlds more calm, stable, and enjoyable?  

One way to accomplish this is to establish daily routines that can create a sense of stability even if there are many unknowns in our life. Children and young adults particularly thrive when they can follow daily routines that remain more or less the same. This is especially true now. Establishing before school, after school, and nighttime routines is essential for promoting cooperation and minimizing frustration during otherwise chaotic times. Whether school is at home or in-person, creating consistent routines will help the whole family deal with everyday life with more openness and acceptance.

The first step is to determine the steps in the routines. Here are samples of daily routines geared for younger children for both in-person and remote learning. Older children also need routines but they may not need the specific steps to be as detailed or even written down. 

In-School Learning

Before School:

Get ready for the day

Eat breakfast & Check-in - 

How are you doing today?

Pack backpack

Put on shoes and jacket

After School

Unpack backpack

Eat snack

Play outside

Do homework

Get ready for sports

Go to practice

Nighttime

Eat dinner

Take a shower

Watch one TV show

Brush teeth

Go to bed

Remote Learning

Morning

Get ready for the day

Eat breakfast & Check-in - 

How are you doing today?

Create an agenda for the day

Morning movement 

Start school work 

Take a break - social time with friends

Afternoon

Eat lunch

Do school work 

Exercise

Have social time with friends

Relax

Evening

Eat dinner

Take a shower

Watch one TV show

Brush teeth

Go to bed

Once you have created your routines (i.e., morning, after school, nighttime), you want to be sure all of your family members know those routines. Here are some tips on how you can easily communicate daily routines for you and your family: 

• Post visual schedules in pictures for non-readers and words for readers so that everyone knows the plan for the day. This can be done via computer, chalkboard, bulletin board, or whiteboard. There are also many apps that help you create the schedules and either view them on a device or print them out. Cozi is a great app that can be shared with older children. Print weekly schedules and post them. You can also create a monthly calendar of family events and post the calendar. Everyone can look forward to enjoyable events and be prepared for those less preferred activities. 

• Highlight changes and unusual events in your schedule and then discuss them ahead of time so that everyone knows what is going to happen. 

• For children and adults who may have difficulty remembering all the tasks required during morning, after school, or nighttime routines, create a visual schedule of the specific steps involved in the routine. Some kids really like to check off completed steps while others like to see the routine outlined and posted in one place. Be sure to post it in a location that makes sense for the routine. For example, post the nighttime or morning dressing routine in the bedroom or bathroom. 

• Use checklists and charts to outline chores, rules, and other expectations you would like to communicate (and track, i.e. chores). You can also use charts to track chore completion and make rewards easy to determine. 

• If children are doing remote learning, creating a daily agenda that includes any synchronous classes, required school work, social time, and exercise. Making written agendas/To Do lists will help everyone stay focused and be productive. Checking off completed tasks will also be very rewarding.

Although routines require some work up front, the pay-off can be huge. You will find that your family is on top of things, less stressed, and more cooperative. They may even start asking, “What’s the plan?” and “Where is the schedule?”.  

One last tip - establish a nice routine for yourself. Make Mondays your day to have lunch with a friend or colleague. Stop and get a coffee on your way to work or after you drop your kids off at school. Exercise on Fridays. Don’t forget to create your own sense of predictability in what seems to be an increasingly less stable world.

Parenting During the Pandemic - Back to Basics

Parenting is difficult enough on a regular day when the challenges are getting ready for school, getting to school on time, doing homework, and going to bed at a reasonable hour. Now, we must navigate life with children without any of these expected daily activities. And, we have to manage all of our children while working and keeping the house together without any of the routines, structures, suppots, and social outlets we are used to. How do we do this? 

It is about getting back to basics. 

1. Establish a new routine - Routines are more important than ever right now. Determine the routine that is best for you and your family. You can break up your day into morning, afternoon, and evening. Intersperse less preferred with more preferred activities, structured and unstructured activities, and collaborative and independent activities. Determine the routine based on your needs and responsibilities for the day. For example, schedule independent activities during a work call or while you are making dinner. Write the day’s schedule on a white/bulletin board or piece of paper. Include your child in the schedule-making process if you can. Be flexible with the schedule as you are able and within reason. Allow your child to ask to rearrange the order from time to time and honor that if you can.

2. Praise expected behaviors and ignore minor unexpected behaviors - This means showing your child that you appreciate and want to see more of wanted behavior. Example of behaviors to praise and appreciate: being helpful, talking nicely, doing a physical activity, accepting “no,” following the schedule, playing nicely with siblings, sharing, following directions, doing chores, completing school work, etc. You can say, “Thank you for listening” or “I really appreciate how nicely you are playing together.” This positive reinforcement will increase these behaviors in the future and create a more peaceful home. While you are praising and appreciating these positive behaviors, do your best to ignore minor inappropriate behaviors and redirect your child to the desired behavior. For example, when your child is whining, tell him/her to talk to you in a nice voice and then you will listen. Do not attend to the whining but rather model the appropriate asking.

   You may want to also consider implementing a simple reinforcement program through which you highlight and reward specific behaviors, such as asking nicely, doing schoolwork, and playing cooperatively with siblings. Your child can earn marbles or cotton balls in different size jars. When the jar is full, your child can earn an ice cream party, new game for family game night, or special activity. Sticker charts work well also. It is important for your child to earn the small rewards and the backup reward quickly so that they understand the system. 

3. Use First/Then - Throughout the day, you can ask your child to do things by using, First/Then language. For example, “First get dressed, then we can play a game” or “First, do your school work, then we can go for a walk.” 

4. Consider additional support your child may need - Children who have learning, attention, behavioral, developmental, or social-emotional challenges may need additional support to help them manage their own anxiety and stress and to engage in appropriate and productive behaviors throughout the day. Consider reaching out to your school and outside providers for strategies.

Contact Lisa Gurdin for more individualized home-based supports at lsgurdin@gmail.com. Virtual parent coaching is now available.

How to Make Your Child Listen to You - Without Talking Back!

As initially posted in Beyond Booksmart Blog: https://www.beyondbooksmart.com/executive-functioning-strategies-blog/how-to-get-your-child-to-listen-to-you-with-less-talking-back

One of the hardest parts of being a parent is realizing that your child will not always listen to what you say just because you say it. This is a tough nugget to swallow - shouldn’t children just listen to their parents? Isn’t it just enough to say: “Because I said so.”? I first realized this with my tantruming 2-year old every time we left the playground, toy store, or playdate. I re-learned this when my middle schooler responded to my directives by walking away from me. I have heard parents complain that in response to their instructions, their child talks back, says no or later, asks for help, or says nothing at all. Regardless of the specific response, the behavior leaves us parents with feelings of frustration and anger.

What makes the situation worse is when we express our feelings in that moment. Don’t we have the right to show our disapproval and anger at our child’s disregard and disrespect for our words? The problem is that once we engage our children in a verbal discussion or argument, it becomes a power struggle. Once the struggle starts, we have lost the battle. We have completely given up our power. The question is, how do we regain our parenting power?

Here are some ideas for avoiding the power struggling and increasing the likelihood that your child will respond to your directive by simply saying “ok.”

• Engage your child in conversation throughout the day. This may seem like an unrelated thing to do. But, talking to your child at times when you are not telling him or her what to do helps to establish a positive relationship. By interacting positively more often, you are making sure that you are not just telling your child what to do but rather you are showing interest in their daily lives. This is especially effective for teenagers.

• Embed your instructions in conversation. Instead of blurting out the directive without any introduction, first compliment your child or have a brief conversation about something unrelated. Then present your instruction.

• Be sure to say thank you when your child listens. This is an opportunity to model gratitude. Give lots of praise and positive feedback as well.

• Offer a choice when you can. The choice can be when your child completes the task, in what order, or how s/he does it.

• Use what is called the Premack Principle - first you do what you need to do before you do what you want to do. For example, make going outside or playing video games contingent on finishing homework or taking the dog for a walk.

• Make a plan for yourself for the times your child does not listen to you so that you do not respond with anger and frustration. Take a deep breath, walk away, do an unrelated task, talk to your other children, etc. Go back to your child later and calmly talk to your child about what happened earlier and explain that you really need him/her to do what you asked. Have this conversation when you both have had time to calm down and return to a place when you can really listen to one another.

• Consider your child’s ability to do what you are asking. Perhaps s/he needs help initiating the task, figuring out when to do it, or determining what is needed. Provide this assistance and then fade your help over time.

  Sometimes, a little adjustment in our parenting approach can be enough to improve our child’s compliance while creating a positive relationship founded on mutual respect and communication. But, be patient with yourself. Doing things differently takes time and practice. The goal is not perfection. The goal is to make progress and experience improvement over time.

  How Do You Minimize Everyday Chaos? - Establish Routines

  Don’t we all crave predictability? When we know what is happening and what is expected of us, there is less stress and anxiety. Worrying and self-doubt often happen when we are not quite sure what is going to happen next and when. The not knowing is what can cause a downward spiral in our thoughts and behavior, lead to significant stress, and result in pain, fatigue, and illness. While we cannot always know next steps or anticipate outcomes, we can arrange the known variables in our life in such a way that we can relax and live each day to its fullest.

  One way to accomplish this is to establish daily routines that can create a sense of stability even if there are unknowns in our life. Children and young adults particularly thrive when they can follow daily routines that remain more or less the same. Establishing before school, after school, and nighttime routines is essential for promoting cooperation and minimizing frustration during otherwise chaotic times.

  The first step is to determine the steps in the routines. Here are samples of daily routines. Once you have created your routines (i.e., morning, after school, nighttime), you want to be sure all of your family members know those routines. Here are some tips on how you can easily communicate daily routines for you and your family:

• Post visual schedules in pictures for non-readers and words for readers so that everyone knows the plan for the day. This can be done via computer, chalkboard, bulletin board, or whiteboard. There are also many apps that help you create the schedules and either view them on a device or print them out. Cozi is a great app that can be shared with older children. Print weekly schedules and post them. You can also create a monthly calendar of family events and post the calendar. Everyone can look forward to enjoyable events and be prepared for those less preferred activities.

• Highlight changes and unusual events in your schedule and then discuss them ahead of time so that everyone knows what is going to happen.

• For children and adults who may have difficulty remembering all the tasks required during morning, after school, or nighttime routines, create a visual schedule of the specific steps involved in the routine. Some kids really like to check off completed steps while others like to see the routine outlined and posted in one place. Be sure to post it in a location that makes sense for the routine. For example, post the nighttime or morning dressing routine in the bedroom or bathroom.

• Use checklists and charts to outline chores, rules, and other expectations you would like to communicate (and track, i.e. chores). You can also use charts to track chore completion and make rewards easy to determine.

  Although routines require some work up front, the pay-off can be huge. You may find your family is on top of things, less stressed, and more cooperative. They may even start asking, “What’s the plan?” and “Where is the schedule?”.

Emotional Banks Can Helps Us Manage Stress & Anxiety

It seems as though we are devoting more and more of our time and emotional energy to thinking about and managing our own or others’ stress and anxiety. Some people have a tendency to worry more than others. Parents often focus on their children’s stress and anxiety on a daily basis in addition to dealing with their own. Without the skills to cope with stress and anxiety, we often escape or avoid the situations, people, and events that elicit the anxious thoughts. We may also become irritable and respond to stressful situations by getting upset or melting down. 

One way we can establish and maintain a more balanced state for ourselves and others is to consider our emotional banks, or what Aspie, writer, public speaker, autism advocate, Youtuber, and singer/songwriter Maja Toudal calls “energy accounting.”

According to the energy accounting paradigm, our emotional state is a bank in which we there are emotional deposits and withdrawals that occur daily. The goal is to have more deposits than withdrawals, just like with financial banks. Deposits are the things that make us feel good, provide us with energy, and inspire us. Withdrawals do the opposite. They drain our energy and increase our feelings of stress and anxiety, including the often negative thoughts and uncomfortable physiological effects associated with stress and anxiety (i.e., stomache aches, headaches, increased blood pressure, disrupted sleep, worrying, etc.). 

Each person’s bank is unique to him/her. In fact, a deposit for one person may be a withdrawal for another person. For instance, socializing may energize and increase one person’s energy reserve in the bank but completely drain another person’s energy. 

To start using the concept in your life or in your child’s life, create two columns: one that lists energy deposits and one that lists energy withdrawals. Below are examples of life experiences that may be in the bank as deposits or withdrawals. Notice that the same thing may function as a deposit or withdrawal depending on the person.

Deposits: Getting hugs, Socializing, Watching TV, Playing sports, Reading a book, Eating ice cream, Exercising, Hearing praise, Watching YouTube, Taking a break, Sleeping, Challenging task, Spending time with family

Withdrawals: Making a mistake, Negative feedback, Listening to a lecture in school, Writing Arguing with family/peers, Being in school, Dealing with changes to the schedule, Losing a game, Socializing, Being alone for too long, Challenging task

The next step is to assign a value (1-100) to each of the items listed and add up the values in each of the columns. Ideally, the total in the deposit column should exceed the value in the withdrawal column. A greater value in the withdrawal column may indicate an increase in stress or anxiety. In this case, it is time to figure out how to increase the activities in the deposit column (i.e., increase the rate of praise and positive interactions or schedule more breaks) and perhaps reduce the duration or frequency of activities/experiences in the withdrawal column.

This can be an effective tool for managing our own, our significant others’, or our children’s stress and anxiety so we can all live a more balanced and healthier life.

On the Road to New Parenting Approaches

The most frustrating part of being a parent is when it becomes groundhog day - when the same challenging situations seem to happen every day without any improvement. Do you experience chaos in the morning or nighttime or tantrums that happen anytime you say “no?”  Maybe your child has an outburst when it is time to do homework and when you tell him/her to clean up. 

What if there was a way to do things differently? To say things differently so that your child responds in a better way? 

What if you could arrange the situation so that your child listens without tantruming? 

It is completely possible to learn different ways of setting up routines, presenting demands, and responding to behavior. But, to do so, requires that you take the time to pay attention to what is happening and to consider another way of doing things. 

The first step is to become aware of how you are responding to your child’s behavior. Notice the patterns of your child’s behavior and your responses to that behavior. Identify the situations that are frustrating to you and your child as well as the skills and behaviors your child is not showing consistently. Consider that there may be a better way to deal with situations so that challenging behaviors and situations improve. Talk to friends and consult experts to find the best new approach for you. 

Remember that you are not going to respond perfectly every time. And, feel good about yourself as a parent when you utilize a different approach to your child’s behavior and it works!